Thursday, March 26, 2009

How far we've come...

Prayers for Stellan
So I haven't felt right or led to write lately.  With sweet baby Stellan so sick, I just felt wrong about writing my senseless posts.  I really just want word to spread and the number of people praying to grow!  So keep praying!

Well finally today (actually two days ago now, took me awhile, to finally finish!) I felt like writing again for all my 3 wonderful readers out there!  Today I had the pleasure of visiting with a dear friend from high school (which to me feels like yesterday not, oh um 10 years ago).  She just had her second baby.  She now is the proud mother of two beautiful girls.  Rebecca Joy, better known as Becca, is going to be two years old shortly and Abigail Grace was born on March 16th.  Seeing my friend Brittney with her two girls brought back so many feelings and memories for me.

First of all, its so funny to me to see Brittney and me as mothers!  It was just yesterday ten years ago we were drowning in high school drama, hanging out at parties together as the only non-drinkers, and that we went to Florida for spring break.  I know what you're thinking, wow Florida huh?!  Oh no, we didn't go to that Florida.  Nope. While all our other friends were having an unruly nice time in Daytona, we went to the Florida where my grandparents lived, cost us nothing to stay at, and had an unruly nice time hanging out at the pool, besides getting seriously sun burned!  And now here we are, each with two sweet baby girls.  Although its funny to see us as mothers its definitely not surprising.  I think if you were to ask anyone from high school they'd tell you they knew we'd be mommies pretty quickly!

The other thing I found myself feeling was reminiscent of the time when I went from one baby to two.  In my opinion, it was a much harder transition for me than having my first.  At least for me.  Bella was 10 days shy of her 2nd birthday when Brynn was born.  Although she was almost 2 I really feel like her speech delay, although it didn't effect her cognitive ability, effected her ability to communicate with us as maybe other two years olds could have.  I remember very vividly times where Bella would get hurt or just want to be held and I would helplessly look at her, while having a child latched on to my body, and just feeling an ache in my heart because I couldn't scoop her up.  Or her begging me to play but I had to get Brynn's diaper changed.  With each excuse my anxiety, that Bella would be forever scarred,  grew.  When I would have to say I couldn't hold her right now I thought for sure she would forever resent her sister, or me, or both.  I would try to tell her to come sit next to me or wrap my legs around her, but you know what?  When you're sick or just got a booboo that just won't do!  I think that was the absolutely hardest thing for me, more than around the clock feedings, more than lack of sleep, was the heartache I would feel when Bella wanted me and I just couldn't be there the way she wanted.  Does she resent me or her sister for that lack of hugs or holdings? No.  She's getting along just fine. : )  
Nursing too also took a toll.  In the beginning nursing a newborn can take a good 10 years 45 minutes from beginning to finish.  And when you've got a toddler running about, that's tough.  Luckily, Bella was not one to get into mischief so before I would sit to nurse I would turn on the answer to all prayers, Dora, or else grab a book I knew she enjoyed and we spend special one and one time (minus child attached to me).  
I think as new mommies we can become overcome with mommy guilt.  Am I spending enough time with her, am I disciplining right, am I feeding her the right foods, should I not vaccinate, when can we start peanut butter, is that plastic bottle ok to use?  Oh my goodness!  You can make yourself sick with worry about all there is that could be dangerous or may not be the right thing to do for your child.  You know what I've learned, well at least, think?  I know, wise one here, right?  No not really.  Just take it from someone who use to spend nights worrying for hours some times before she could fall asleep.  As mommies we all have mothers' intuition.  I know you've probably heard it before but honestly its there, and God is behind it.  When you're wondering what to do or what action to take, take a minute to pray about it and do what you feel is right for your child.  You can drive yourself mad worrying about all the dangers there are out there and really that's no way to live and its not fair for your child.  You do what your heart, God, is telling you to do and stay strong in your decision.  You know what's right for your child and God will take care of the rest!

Anyway, I've gotten completely off topic but that's what happens when you're not really a writer you try to post at 10:30 at night.  Well it was a real treat to see Brittney and her precious baby girls (we'll be taking pictures of them this Sunday, perhaps I'll post a couple for you to see!).  It was fun and brought back such precious memories of my own.  I've heard through other friends that, although no transition is easy, the transition from two to three kids is easier since the two older kids have each other and such.  Here's hoping! (no that is not announcement)

On that note time for bed!  Keep praying! 

P.S. By the way do you like my fancy strikethrough technique! I learned it from my fellow blogger, MckMama!

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    I used to be an elementary teacher but am now a stay-at-home mommy with three sweet baby girls. Bella is 6, Brynn is 4, and Brooklyn is 1. We also have a sweet Golden Retriever named Beckham. I have been married to the love of my life, Vincent, for almost 12 years. Although I hate the cold I am a Chicago girl through and through. And thats about all I've got!

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