Thursday, October 22, 2009

And He spoke to me.....

I HATE waiting. I am so impatient. Something that has always been really hard for me is waiting those 2 or so weeks after attempting to conceive to see if in fact we were successful. It KILLS me. Perhaps that is why with all of my pregnancies so far I have had at least one negative result before receiving my positive one. So after our miscarriage last month and being anxious to move on from that and grow our family I thought I would surely die before before I could take the next test. The D Day came and went, my "friend" did not make an appearance. So I thought I'd give it another day and maybe one more. Perhaps proving to myself that I can be patient when I want to be. But really instead, as each day passed I was just that much more convinced that I was pregnant. Until today. My friend arrived. Right before walking into my small group at church. It took about everything in me to not go grab Brynn and go back home. And really the only reason I didn't was because I had already dropped my things off in our meeting room. I wondered why I wasn't pregnant, why do I need to keep waiting, is this another miscarriage, are we going to be able to get pregnant and keep the baby,why, why why? Currently we are doing Beth Moore's study on the book of Esther. If you are a woman, it is AMAZING. Well in today's lesson, He really spoke to me. Honestly, I have felt God's answer to prayer and such but I'm not sure I have ever really had Him speak to me so profoundly or right when I needed it the most. Today Beth talked about time. Her points were: Reflect on the importance of....
1. When its time.
2. When its time to wait.
3. When its time to wait for someone else's time.
4. When the meantime is God's time.

Being the impatient person that I am Number 4 was the most profound for me. One point that she really stressed was that when you are waiting, waiting, waiting, that's God's time. God is never inactive. He's always up to something. And the biggest lesson that touched me was that our strength is depleted the longer we wait on that ONE THING or that ONE PERSON. We must Wait on the LORD.

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Isaiah 40:31 kjv

Its so crazy (well actually a total God thing) that she chose that verse. It has always been my favorite but today it took on new meaning for me.

So I just want to say, as you wait upon, whatever (to get pregnant, your child to get better, to find a spouse, to find that perfect job) this is just a reminder to wait, wait on the Lord, not that thing.

And so I'll wait. Not to get that positive pregnancy test (although it will take all my strength and constant reminding not to) but on the Lord. He has perfect timing. And he's never inactive. So I know he has a plan and I will wait on Him to reveal it to me. Will you pray for me as I try to do that, without it I don't have a chance? : )

Hope that can bring you some encouragement today, it sure helped me. : )


somer said...

Thank you for being so open and honest. What a perfect message today was. I will continue to pray for you and I know that God's timing in perfect. When we tried to conceive for two years I asked why, but I look at Avi and Anderson and totally know why. Though waiting is so hard! Love you!!!!

Kelly said...

Wow, thank you so much for sharing this! I appreciate your honesty. It is soo hard to wait, but it's so worth it in the end. I've heard so many great things about Beth Moore's Esther study...I really want to do it. I will definitely continue praying for you. You are on my list of several girls wanting/trying/waiting to get pregnant that I pray for everyday!

Hilary said...

Oh, how my heart goes out to you :( I know what it feels like to be impatient waiting for a positive pregnancy test.
And Barclay, I am so sorry about your mis-carriage :( I'm sorry you had to experience that. I'm sure you know from my blog, but I too had a miscarriage Oct. 2006. It took until Jan. 2009 for us to get pregnant again! I was very impatient for a long time. But one day, I woke up filled with God's peace and knew it was all about His timing..not mine.
How great that you are learning that right now. It's hard though, isn't it? But so worth it...God wants to bless us (you!) more than we can even imagine.
You are in my prayers as you grieve the loss of your precious baby and as you wait upon the Lord for the perfect timing to increase your family.
Thank you for your honesty...

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    I used to be an elementary teacher but am now a stay-at-home mommy with three sweet baby girls. Bella is 6, Brynn is 4, and Brooklyn is 1. We also have a sweet Golden Retriever named Beckham. I have been married to the love of my life, Vincent, for almost 12 years. Although I hate the cold I am a Chicago girl through and through. And thats about all I've got!

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