Thursday, December 9, 2010

The Post that was not my idea......

So I need to take a break from my light and fluffy posts for something deeper. Not sure why, but I've felt led to write about it. Its not something I particularly want to share about but when I feel God nudging me, I'm inclined to listen. : )

Perhaps, hearing my struggle will help someone out there struggling with something similar. Or perhaps He wants me to come clean about my short comings. Or perhaps He just wanted to give me some good material for a blog post. : )

Here goes...

I'm a worrier. When I was younger I worried about everything. Everything. Being a people pleaser also, it usually revolved around issues with friends. Or school. Or a boyfriend. Or whatever. You name it, I could worry about it. I remember something my dad would always tell me. He said 99% of the time the things we worry about don't happen or aren't as bad as we imagine. He was right, 100% of the time. : ) I always imagined much worse than the way things would turn out.

As I've gotten older my worries have become even more intense. Now I have a husband to worry about. Three daughters to worry about. Parents and siblings. Cancer in my friend's parents seem to be on the rise and it has me worrying each time one of my parents call. I see people going through such hard things, especially since entering the blog world. My eyes have been open to so many families going through unimaginable things. And I find myself worrying that something like that is going to happen to me, my husband, one of my kids. I have been SO, SO blessed. I have great parents and in-laws, a fortunate up bringing, great friends, 3 beautiful girls, a husband that loves and takes care of me.

All these great things, and I find myself worrying about when its all going to fall apart.

I know everyone goes through hardships in their life. And although my life has in no way been a breeze, comparatively, it has. I have this great, great life. And instead of enjoying and being thankful for it, I find myself wondering how long it will last?

Now I could be, and sometimes am, paralyzed by this fear. I could constantly worry about everything and never do anything or let me children go anywhere. But what kind of life would that be?

My only saving grace? Trusting in the Lord's Unfailing Love (hence the name of this blog : ) ). The only thing that keeps me from sinking into the pits of worry is I know that the Lord has great plans for me.

Do I worry about vaccines? Yes, but my husband and I are going to do what we think is right and trust that the doctors have in mind what's best for our children's health and trust God with the rest. Do I worry about something happening to one of the girls? Absolutely, but I will not succumb to that fear or I wouldn't truly be enjoying the time I do have with them. Do I worry about not having enough money to pay our bills? Everyday. But since I've put my trust in the Lord there has never been a day in which He didn't provide.

What comes from worrying? Nothing. Except being miserable and missing out on all the good in your life. Worrying about it doesn't make it better, not happen, or improve. So just let go.

This may surprise some of my friends to hear about me. I think I come off as a very easy going, go with the flow, come what may type of mom. And honestly, I try. I try very hard. And again, its only by God's grace that I'm able to.

Every now and then new things arise, like the horror of all things BPA, and I find myself panicking. But the Lord Almighty reels me in, I take a deep breath, and let it go. Along with my worrying flaw is my lovely nature of being control freak. And since there is no possible way for me to control all, my worry sets in. But listen friends. Let go, let Jesus take the wheel. We could worry till the cows come home (I know that makes no sense : ) ) and its not going to change a thing. Come what may. And if something does come, we have the King of the Universe by our side to see us through it.

I leave you with this verse that I meditate on when the worry threatens to sink me.

Joshua 29:11- "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

He intends only good for us. Unfortunately, sin has entered the world but even with hurt and evil He has promised to be with us always and never give us more than we can handle. (the worrier in me of course worries about how much can I handle then, or does He think I can't handle a lot and that's why things have been good, but then I'm ok with that, but then maybe Satan will try to attack my comfort.... I'll told you I'm crazy. Only God can reel in my crazy. : ) )

And in case, the imaginable does happen, we have these, and many, many more words from God himself to cling to:

The verse from John 9, where the disciples have just asked Jesus, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”

Jesus’ reply: “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.” (9:3)

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.
Psalm 143:8

And my blog's theme verse:

But I trust in your Unfailing Love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord's praise, for He has been good to me!

Sorry way longer than I intended! And since I can't post without a picture, I leave you with my 3 cuties, who I love with all my heart and I put in God's hands!


Kelly said...

I am a worrier too :( I regularly have to claim His Word to calm my fearful heart. One of my favorite verses (along with all the ones you mentioned) is: God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.

Craig Glass said...

Wow, I admire your courage and eloquence to say this, Princess. As with a few other things, you got some of this from me. I'm praying today that God continues to give you more and more freedom from worry, and that he uses your insights and honesty to speak to others. I love you!!!


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    I used to be an elementary teacher but am now a stay-at-home mommy with three sweet baby girls. Bella is 6, Brynn is 4, and Brooklyn is 1. We also have a sweet Golden Retriever named Beckham. I have been married to the love of my life, Vincent, for almost 12 years. Although I hate the cold I am a Chicago girl through and through. And thats about all I've got!

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